All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France


Today marks the 6th anniversary of my partner’s sexual reassignment surgery. It’s hard to believe that it’s been six years already since my husband and I walked into the hospital at 5:30 am for the day-long surgery, and I took her home the next day to begin (or continue depending on how you look at it) our life. Each year since I’ve watched any evidence of my husband’s old life drift away as she becomes more comfortable and confident as a woman. She no longer has to wake up and start another day pretending to be someone she’s not.

As a couple, it has taken a while to find and adapt to our new normal. Any significant change in marriage requires a shift in relearning and redefining roles and structure. Small everyday questions such as who drives now and who fixes the broken toilet. Which one of us will do the grocery shopping and who will confront the car mechanic that just screwed us over. There are the big life moments we had to process and define. Events such as shopping for Mother-of-the-Groom dresses and who will give the toast at the wedding rehearsal dinner. Will our new grandbaby call both of us Grandma? These dilemmas whether big or small may not seem such a big deal to most people, but to us, especially me, it was and continues to be compelling because of the significance behind each decision. The ordinary everyday life isn’t quite ordinary and yet, day by day, it’s becoming a little bit more natural. Slowly.

As I reflect over the last six years, I am realizing more and more what a big deal my husband’s transition from male to female has been, and what a big deal it is that we are still happily married and about to celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary. It’s also a big deal that we laugh more, we don’t sweat the small stuff, and we have way more good days than not. The days of sadness and frustration are few and far between.

On this anniversary day, I’ve decided to end my writing hiatus and pick up my blog again. I had put it away a couple of years ago because I thought as a wife of a male to female partner that I had nothing left to say or share with others. Today I feel the need to stay connected with those in our community and to continue to share my experiences and hope for not only my partner and me, but also for all of the other couples sharing the same journey. I would love it if you joined me …every day is indeed an adventure!


6 thoughts on “Change

  1. There is so much here that I can relate to, although for my partner and I it has only been one year since we came home from surgery, (your wife came home the next day! Ouch!) and less than a year since we got married.

    Life should be (and for us it is as well) an adventure. Great post!


  2. I am so glad to come across your blog… I am day 8 in to learning about my husband’s gender dysphoria and am still coming to grips…


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